Monday, 11 February 2008

Student Loan Coy's Crazy Secret

My son asked that I ring the Student Loan Company today. It seems that I omitted to tick an important box on his 30 page application. As with all big organisations these days I was subjected to three automated menus before finally getting to talk to a real person.

But was he really for real?

After giving my son’s ART ID (those of you with kids at Uni will know what that is!!), my full name, mother’s maiden name, date of birth, address and telephone number, he finally wanted to know the first and third letter of my secret answer!!!!! What was he on about? Was this something to do with the colour of my underwear? Perhaps I’d misheard him?

Me: “Sorry, you’ve confused me. What did you say?”

Him: “I need your secret answer.”

Me: “What was the question?”

Him: “There isn’t a question.”

Me: “How do I know the answer if there isn’t a question?”

Him: “It’s a computer generated answer.”

Me: “Answer to what?”

Him: “Nothing, there wasn’t a question. It’s just to ensure that the answer remains secret.”

Me: “So, there’s an answer to a question that was never asked and it’s that secret, that even I don’t know it.”

Him: “You were sent it through the post.”

Me: “I’m sorry but I have no recollection at all of receiving an answer to an unasked question through the post”

Him: “You need it to talk to us.”

Me: “But I’m talking to you now. I just want to tell you I meant to tick the box and didn’t.”

Him: “I’ll send you another secret answer in the post.”

Me: “So, I’ve got to wait to receive an answer to a question that’s never been asked and then go through all this again?”

Him: “No, I’ve already amended your records to show you ticked the box.”


Me: “So, why do I need a secret answer?”

Him: “In case you need to contact us again.”

Somehow, I’ve got a feeling that’s NEVER gonna happen!!!!!!