Friday, 5 October 2012

Bless You My SUN

Is this for real? I’ve just had a glimpse into another world; a world I never knew existed. It’s a place where young girls are having conical implants because they think pointed breasts look more natural. A place where a twenty two year old man tells the world that he’s in love with the thirteen year old sister of his best friend, and a famous celebrity declares that her pot bellied pig is her soulmate. It’s a place where women proudly reveal their half naked bodies, pumped up and sucked out in all the right places. It probably makes them feel sexy to think a million British men are panting over their tits under the duvet. Well I guess it would! This is the world of The Sun.  Don’t go thinking I usually read this sort of stuff. Oh goodness me, no!  The Sun editorial team bought my patronage. I’m not proud of it but hey ho, a tenners worth of free groceries is . . . well, a tenners worth of free groceries! My total shop came to £67.67 and I was just about to pay when the cashier cancelled my card payment.

“Hang on a mo, she said as she fished under her till and with a flurry produced a copy of the infamous newspaper,

“If you buy this,” she says, “You’ll get £10 off your grocery bill.” Her smile is triumphant. I like the word ‘grocery’, she uses it as a euphemism for alcohol but I decline her offer. Nothing’s for free, there’s always a catch. She assures me there’s no catch and insists that I really want to buy this paper. She proceeds to open it at page 16 and rips out a voucher which she then waves under my nose.

“See,” she proclaims, “Your total is now £68.07 but I can take £10 off with this.”

OK, so I buy the paper and get my ‘groceries’ for £58.07. She offers to bin the newspaper but, as I’ve just paid 40p for it, I decide I should at least have a look. I can’t fault the reporters on their content; it’s all engrossing stuff. Why, I started reading it at 8am and didn’t finish until teatime. Will I be buying The Sun newspaper again? That’s a resounding ‘No’ but at least I’m now informed about what’s really going on in the world and I can return to my peaceful little bubble a whole lot wiser!